Friday, February 1, 2013

Open Adoption

About 2 years ago Shaileen and I decided that we were ready to start the adoption process. We prayed and went to the temple and it was confirmed to us that adoption is the way that we are supposed to build our family. We knew that there was a good chance it would not be an easy process and may be long but who are we to not do something just because it may be tough even though it is right. I feel really awkward saying this but when we first started the adoption process we had a tough time understanding and accepting the idea of an open adoption. Open adoption sounds like such a scary thing. We went to the required adoption classes to be approved through LDS family services back on 10-22-2011. As we walked in we were excited to get on with the process of our adoption process. We were looking forward to learn as well. It was a 2 day course. The first day consisted of a panel of adoptive parents sitting in front of us answering questions that the group had. As Shaileen and I left after the first day of classes we were way overwhelmed because the panel of adoptive parents were talking about their open adoption relationships that they had with their child's/children's birth parents. They talked about how they love them and are so happy when they are able to get together with them. Shaileen and I talked as we drove home in tears about if we were really going to be able to follow through with the promises of open adoption. We were scared of co-parenting with the birth parents and just wanting that relationship in general. Were we going to be able to continue? The next morning we woke up and got ready for the second day of classes even though we were resisting it because we were scared of what else we were going to learn. Wow, I sure am glad we went because that was one of the best days during our adoption process that I have had. When we showed up there was a panel of birth mothers. Some of them placed many years ago, some of them within the last couple of years and even some as recently as a month ago. I personally was scared to hear them talk and almost didn't want to listen to them.

As soon as the first question was asked and the first woman started speaking I immediately felt the spirit in the room. It was so strong that I could not deny that there is an incredible love that exists throughout the adoption triad (child, birth parents, adoptive parents). The main thing that was thrust into my heart is that the birth mothers as well as fathers have an incredible love for the child. It is not as if at placement the love just went away. They really do continue to care about them and their well being. However, they still have enough love that they choose to place for whatever reasons that they have. Later in the day a group of adoptees (not sure if that is the correct term to use) came and we had some questions for them. Some of them have open adoptions and some of them have closed ones. The main thing that most of them said that they would want to tell their birth parents is that they really are ok and that that have turned out ok and wanted to tell them thank you as well. As you can imagine there was not a dry eye in the room. I was personally bawling like a baby. We learned a lot about ourselves and what we really want in adoption. The relationship we have with birth parents is a relationship that very few people understand. We love them very much and will consider them family for life. It may sound weird but I am thankful for the trials that we have gone through with our adoption process. With those trials it will make me never take my child for grantid and will hopefully make me a better Father and husband. I am thankful for Shaileen. She is the best wife I could ever ask for. With the things we have gone through it has made us closer as husband and wife. I am so glad that I get to spend eternity with her. I cannot wait for the day that we get to meet our child. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I know that with Heavenly Father we can make it through anything because it has worked in our lives this far. Like always I would like to thank everyone for their constant support, prayers, fasting and love. We have felt many prayers in our behalf.


  1. What a great post about Open Adoption. Our adoption is a fully open one where we see Tanner's birthparents (yep, his birthdad, too) often. There have been some struggles as to boundaries but we all worked it out because Tanner is the most important person in our lives. A fully embraced, but also fully outlined/defined open adoption is an amazing thing.

  2. I randomly found your blog through some Internet searches. I love this post! I am adopted, I also have struggled with infertility and the thought that we may end up adopting ourselves, which we eventually wanted to do anyways. My adoption was closed. We knew nothing about my birth parents or family. At age 19, I decided I wanted to know more and it's been a nightmare of an experience all along. I can't help but think if it was somewhat open, it wouldn't have been such a bad experience for the both of us. Good luck to you both! Prayers!!

  3. When we first started the adoption process open adoption quite frankly scared the crap out of me! But now we have what I guess I would call a "semi-open adoption" with our daughter's birthmother and the bond that we share with each other is so sacred it's almost hard to put into words.