Sunday, September 2, 2012

One month...

I sit here in the untouched baby room thinking about how one month ago we received the worst news of our lives. It has been a month since we found our we were not going to bring precious little Sawyer home. Even though we are not the ones parenting him, I still have a great love for him. I think if him as my son. He was our son for the three months we were preparing for him. I hope that he will know one day of the extreme amount of love Kurt and I have for him still. He will always be a part of us.
I feel like we are doing pretty good. We still have our moments, especially me, but we are making it through as painful as it is.
Kurt has been my rock through this whole journey. He is so loving, kind, caring, and gentle with me. He reminds me everyday how strong we are and that we will make it through this. I feel empty though... There is a hole in my heart that can never be mended. With it is getting better, but we will never not feel that loss in our hearts. I am still so saddened everyday when I walk past his room knowing he is not in it. I know one day we will be blessed to be patents it is just hard waiting on the Lords timeline.
I want to say thank you to all of our friends and family for all of the support you have offered us this past month. This process would have been a lot more difficult without it. We truly appreciate all of the prayers in our behalf.
Last but not least I just want Kurt to know how much I love and appreciate him and all he does for me. I love him with all of my heart. If there is one thing I am certain of it is that my Heavenly Father blessed me with the MOST AMAZING husband on earth. Through all of the trials we have been through... I know we have lasted because if him. His incredible love and patience is what gets me through. Kurt I love you and I could not ask for a better Eternal companion than you. With all my heart... I LOVE YOU!!


  1. I just want to share one thing: When grandma died and I was having a hard time somebody said to me, "The hole is always there but the edges get softer." Over time I can say that they were right. I pray that it may also be that way for you. Love You!