No More Pain

Wow, It has been 1 year since Sawyer was born. This was our first failed placement. Boy, that year went by so quick. I thought it would be hard for me because he was born on my birthday. The weird thing is it does not bother me at all. Why you ask... It is because I have the sweetest little boy as a son. He has made all the pain of previous loss and infertility go away. As weird as it sounds it feels as if there is no pain whatsoever left. All has been forgotten. On this birthday I am just so thankful to be a Dad. I knew it would be an incredible day when it came but I had no idea it was going to be this great. To be able to go home every night and see him, spend time with him and just love on him makes my day. I look forward to it each and every day.

Sawyer Relapse

So I had what I'm calling my "Sawyer relapse" last night. The talk in the morning session yesterday about the loss of a child got me thinking. I know he didn't die BUT we sure lost him. All day I thought about him but as soon as I got in bed I lost it. I haven't cried that hard since the day after. I cried straight for three hours... I could not stop. I don't know what came over me. I kept waking Kurt up so I decided I wanted to go sit in the baby room. I sat and looked through the photo album and cuddled with his teddy. I pondered the events that led up to the failed placement to see if I could figure out if there were any signs before that dreaded call that she was changing her mind. I can truly say that on our end we never saw any reservation from her. She never showed doubt to us... If anything every time we were together, even the days in the hospital, she did nothing but reassure us. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the whole thing. Kurt and I know that we were meant to be Sawyer's parents... Even though it was only for 3 days. I cherish every moment I was able to spend with him and miss him everyday. I can't wait for the day Kurt and I will become parents. It sure is hard waiting on the Lord's time. I also want Kurt to know how much I live and adore him and that my life would not be complete without him.
Thank you to everyone who gas helped us through this failed adoption journey. It is the hardest road I think I will ever travel... I'm just grateful we have all of you to help us along the way.

Struggling...

We have the absolute best family in the world. Through the extreme pain of these last several days they have been there for every second when we have needed them most. We are so lucky even though it seems like we are so unlucky at the same time. Everyone keeps saying that this happens because We are strong but it makes me wonder what they see. I know we will make it through it but I just keep thinking that Sawyer should be here with us. Like I said he is perfect and that is hat makes it so hard. It is hard to think that it was literally a couple of days ago we were hugging and kissing him. We keep praying for strength and that we will understand thy will.

Happy Birthday Sawyer

Meet Sawyer Reed Cline

We were walking into Joran Valley hospital at about 4:15 am and J's best friend called and said that they were already in the hospital because she went into labor and they had been there for about an hour or so. Sawyer wanted to come regardless. We went upstairs and J and her best friend Kcee were in there. She was having contractions every minute or two. The Anethstesiologist walked in and we got the best news. J asked him if it was ok that we were in the C-Section room and then her best friend walk in right when they pulled Sawyer out. He said that he didnt care if we were all in there so all 3 of us were in there the whole time.  

Doesn's Shai look sexy!



The C-Section was one incredible experience. With where I was sitting I was able to watch most of the procedure. It is incredible what the doctors do and how quickly too. Dr. Dinger showed up precisely  at 6:30 am. They prepped the operating room and he was born at 6:51 am. It was amazing how fast it was. Right before he was born they said here comes his head. We all stood up and there he was. He immediatly started crying. I thought hearing his heart beat at all of J's appointment was the best sound in the world. I will be the first to tell you I could not have been more wrong. That little scream immediatly brought tears to Shaileen's and my eyes. He was taken over to the washing station and they cleaned him all up. He cryed for the first minute or so but after that he was pretty calm with a wimper every little bit.

He weighed in at 8 lbs 1.2 oz and is 19 1/2 inches long.

His feet were just as big and long as we expected from looking at all of the sonograms!

As soon as they were done cleaning him they wrapped him up just like a little burrito and handed Sawyer to Shaileen. She is and has been in heaven the past day and a half so far. She just keeps saying how absolutely perfect he is. She is going to be a great Momma.

Sawyer has some big huge lips with a dimple on his chin

This is one of my favorie photos that was taken yesterday. It is J holding hands. It is such a simple photo but with so much meaning. We have a bunch more photos with J in it but we will keep those for Sawyer and us.

I was given the opportunity to bathe Sawyer for the first time. He is such a trooper. He wimpered for the first 30 seconds and then loved every second after. Especially when we washed his hair...

Keep looking for more posts for day #2

Sawyer I want to tell you a few things...

I sit here at almost 2 am this morning wide awake not able to sleep out of excitement/nervousness. All I can think of is that Sawyer is with his Father in Heaven right now. He is absolutely perfect and is going to be brought into this world shortly and is going to be entrusted with us as his parents by both J and Heavenly Father. What a responsibility this is. Am I going to be able to keep up my end of the deal? I hope and pray that I will have the strength and ability to be the father that my father has been and is to Me. I decided long ago that is what I need to strive to be like My Dad! Sawyer, you are coming into this world in just a few short hours. You are such a special little guy. I want you to know how excited not only Mom and me are to see you but birth mommy J is an incredible person that loves you more than anything and wants to give you the best she can. I want you to know that she has never not wanted you. She loves you so much that she wants you to have both a Mom and Dad that love each other very much and love you just the same. Always know that she loves you because we have gotten to know her very well and she certainly does. (even when you are rollin around in her tummy like a bowling ball)! We are so excited to see you! Please be patient with Me because I am going to need some time getting used to being a Dad. :) I love you!

Cline baby shower for Sawyer

I have been slacking because we have been so gosh darn busy lately getting ready for Sawyer to get here. Here is the blog from this past Saturday finally which was the Cline sides baby shower for Shaileen. Holy cow we had an amazing turn out and we thank everyone for coming and supporting us and especially Sawyer. We were really scared that it was going to be crappy weather but it turned out perfect with the 3 canopies that we had in the back yard. We have to give a huge thank you to my Mom, Kimberly, Janica and Hilarie. They did an incredible job putting it together. They made delicious sandwiches, fruit kabobs, chocolate fountain with various foods and even more. We really just cannot thank them enough. On to the photos

 my mom made us this awesome car seat cover

She has also been working hard on this incredible blanket/quilt for Sawyers crib. It matches his nursery perfectly.

Here is Alex just being a stud.

Diapers!!!!! Just what we need... woohoo!

Maddie and Alex having a blast

Someone in my family had the brilliant idea to hang all of the clothes he got on the fence so everyone could see them. What an awesome idea.



Carlye made this diaper cake all by herself. She did an awesome job and we thank her and Cindy for it. The blocks on the ground were also on the top but they fell off on accident. 

Thank you again, we truely appreciate everyones kindness, love and support

2 weeks, and I think we're ready!

In exactly 2 weeks from today Sawyer is going to be here !These past 3 months have flown by.  It kinda scares me how fast time is going because i  know that time is going to continue to fly when Sawyer gets here. I want to savor every moment with him and Shaileen. Yesterday we got off work a few minutes early and were able to go to "j's" Dr. Appointment and She and Baby are doing well.  Like I say on all of these heartbeat posts, It is the best sound in the world. (until he gets here at least :) ) We are so thankful to J and her kindness for allowing us the opportunity to go to these Dr. appointments. I dont think there are too many adoptive couples that get this opportunity. She is such a strong person and we love her very much.

I have been slacking since Saturday with tons going on and have not posted the photos or blog from Shaileens baby shower. Keep an eye out for that one, and many more to come!

Without further to do here is the video of the heartbeat.

Its getting closer

How can time be flying by but going by so slow at the same time? There is only 19 more days until Sawyer gets here. It seems like our minds our rushing every second of the day trying to figure out what we still need before he gets here. A couple of days ago I made a list on my phone of the things we still need to get and there is not much as it seems. Luckily there are a couple more baby showers with one of them this weekend with the Cline side of the family. Can you tell that we are just so excited to meet him? We want to say thank you so much for your support during this adoption process. With us going to be adopting shortly please dont forget that there are still birth families, adoptive families and children out there. Please keep them in your mind, heart and especially your prayers. We know without a doubt that all of the prayers in our behalf as well as J's certainly helped. Keep your eyes and ears open always to potential senarios. That is how we have found Sawyer. Someone that we see everyday almost knew about us and asked for one of our pass-a-long cards. He gave the card to J and she held on to it for several months until she had made her decision to place. We are forever greatful for that act. If you ever hear of someone that is looking to place or even considering it please let us know. We have other couples pass-a-long cards that we can give you, as well as other names that we know of. Thanks again!

Sawyers Heartbeat #3

I am sitting here at work an Shaileen sent me a video of Sawyers heartbeat from today's dr appointment! It is so neat to hear that he is actually there. We are getting so excited that it is coming so soon but yet still so far away! I am so thankful to have Shaileen as my beautiful wife. She makes me want to be a better person each and every day. I can't wait for her to be a mother. She has been waiting so long and so patiently. Sawyer is going to be so freaking lucky to have not only Shaileen but J to look up to as a loving birth mother. Se is so strong and we both love and appreciate her very much! Anyways, on to why you pulled up the blog!  Here is the video of his heartbeat!

Look how close it is getting! :)



Sawyers Baby Room

Its about time we post some photos of Sawyers soon to be room. We are pretty much finished except bedding. We love how it turned out and are even more excited to have him in it! :) Check it out and let us know what you think of it...

We decided to keep the doors off of the closet because we like the white wood that surrounds the closet.