Father vs Dad

I am in toastmasters this year at work which is a group that meets weekly and practices public speaking and listening skills. Today it is my second speech. I decided with it being Fathers Day this past Sunday I wanted to speak about the following, hope you enjoy!

Are you going to be a Father or a Dad? It sounds like the same thing but couldn’t be further from the same thing. A Father is more of a biological term and does not refer to the man’s role or relationship with the child at all. Whereas a Dad refers to the man that is there in the child’s life caring for them. A dad shows he loves his children by interacting with him daily, letting them know that they’re a priority and that they give purpose to his life. It is far easier to be a father than a Dad. As I am trying to be a Dad through the wonderful gift of adoption I wanted to learn what I can do to be the best Dad to my children as I can because they deserve the best. I researched online came up with several things we can do not only as Dads but also Moms.

1.      Check in with your family during the day-

We all work here at Questar which means we are away from home a lot of the day five days a week. Children really enjoy hearing from their parents because they feel loved and wanted. If your children are old enough to go to school arrange for them to call you when they get home. Even just a few unhurried minutes will make a huge difference and show them that you truly care. If your child is young enough that they don’t go to school just call them throughout the day.

2.      Give your child undivided attention every day-

Put down your cell phone! This requires undivided attention to be successful. This will help build your relationship with them. This is where you listen to their ideas and get to know what is important to them and the things they love.

3.      At least once a week have fun together-

Each stage of your child’s life presents a new opportunity and they change and grow up so quick. As they are young you can start out simple by just going to the park and as they grow older adjust it to things not only they enjoy but things you enjoy as well. The important thing is to just enjoy the time you have with them.

4.      Talk about your values with your kids directly-

Don’t assume that your children will learn what your values are automatically. When the time is right and something comes up tell them what you think about a subject and why.

5.      Discipline –

When you come home from work and you find out that your son or daughter didn’t clean their room how do you react? Take a moment and think first before you react. Should your first interaction with the child be one of content or anger? Regardless, make sure whatever you decide make sure you react with love. A good idea is to first take your time to ask how their day at school was. From speaking with other parents I have found that this special time right when you get home or when the child gets home from school is the best time to talk to them because you are going to get the most honest sincere answers  most of the time.  Make sure the punishment also fits the crime.

6.      Nurture your relationship with your partner-

This is the single most important thing in my opinion. Your children believe it or not will grow up one day and sooner or later leave the house. Set an example for them. Boys will learn how to treat a girl by the way the Dad treats Mom and girls set their expectations that they will be treated the same way. Show them what real love is.

A father is someone who can easily leave the home. A father is someone that can easily cheat. A father is someone who can turn to alcohol and drugs. A father is someone who lets his family become a nuisance to him. A father believes that the world revolves around him.

This type of father doesn’t deserve your time, but most of all doesn’t deserve to be called Dad.

Any man can be a Father, but not every man can be a Dad!