Wednesday, July 31, 2013

3 generations of work buddies

About 2 weeks ago Shaileen brought Jax into work to meet all of our co-workers. If you don't already know, Shaileen and I work together as well as my Dad works there too. It is such a great place to work. Grandpa thought it would be neat to get a photo of us all together in his office at Questar so when he starts working there in about 18 or so years we can look back at it! Haha. Such a neat photo and one I will cherish for a lifetime. 

Daily nap with my boy

Right now I am working early in the morning. I have to be there at 6am and it is a half hour commute. This means I have to get up real early to make it in. I am usually pretty awake in the mornings but after my drive home I am real tired usually. Jax and I have made a little routine to take a nap together almost everyday. He is so little that I lay him on my chest and lay back in the recliner for 30 or so minutes. The best part is he sleeps just as hard as I do and when I wake up he usually wakes up too. 

No More Pain

Wow, It has been 1 year since Sawyer was born. This was our first failed placement. Boy, that year went by so quick. I thought it would be hard for me because he was born on my birthday. The weird thing is it does not bother me at all. Why you ask... It is because I have the sweetest little boy as a son. He has made all the pain of previous loss and infertility go away. As weird as it sounds it feels as if there is no pain whatsoever left. All has been forgotten. On this birthday I am just so thankful to be a Dad. I knew it would be an incredible day when it came but I had no idea it was going to be this great. To be able to go home every night and see him, spend time with him and just love on him makes my day. I look forward to it each and every day.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Jax almost in newborn clothes

Jax is growing up so dang quick! He is putting on some good chub but from this picture you can tell he is still way short. he is about 2-3 inches longer than when he was born and about 1 lb larger as well. 1 lb doesnt sound like much but thy would be like me Gaining 75 lbs. These are newborn clothes and they still drown him. We are such proud parents with how healthy and active out little Jax has been. One thing Jax, mom and dad just do not want you growing up too quick. 

Shaileen's talk about our family (incredible)

Good afternoon brothers and sisters. I am glad to be speaking to you today. I am one of the few people in this world that really do enjoy this. 
I was asked to introduce our family and speak on "How do I keep my covenant to always remember the Savior?" I am going to try and combine the two together. 

Ok so Kurt and I met in high school. He was a senior and I was a junior. We were both major choir geeks and so we met while being the teachers assistant in each others class. We became really good friends but never actually dated in high school. We both really liked each other but were in other relationships at the time. Three years after we graduated he found me on Facebook. We went on our first date a month later, 17 days after that he told me he loved me, we were engaged 8 moths later and married 4 moths after that. We were married April 16th 2009 in the Salt Lake Temple. 
We just adopted the most perfect little man ever. He was born July 6th and is our miracle child. 
A little bit about Kurt: he is a SOFTY!!!! A great big teddy bear. He loves everyone and never says a bad thing about anybody. He is an incredible singer and also plays the trumpet. He loves 4 wheeling, golfing, and blogging.  He isa HUGE sports fan. His favorite teams are the packers the jazz the braves but number one is byu football!! He is the baby in his family he has two sisters and one brother with 7 nieces and nephews. 
I love music, singing dancing you name it. I am a big crafter. I a also very outgoing... Some people call me loud. Haha I am the biggest crybaby on the planet. I have a mixed family. My parents divorced when I was ten so I have to full sisters, one half sister that who is only 10 and I love it., and I have 5 step siblings three of which are married. 

When Kurt and I got married I knew, because of some medical issues that I was diagnosed with at an earlier age, that it would be difficult to conceive a child so we started trying almost immediately. After a year trying on our own we decided to go see a fertility specialist. We started fertility treatments right away. Month after month passed with no results. I started to get more and more impatient and more and more depressed. I hate to say it but I began to get upset with Heavenly Father. As a woman of our faith we are taught our goal in life is to multiply and replenish the earth so why wasn't I able to fulfill that. Kurt and I decided to look at our life and see if there was anything we needed to change. I thought about the relationship I had with my savior. I thought about what I could do to strengthen that relationship. 
We started to go to the temple more often, and pray for different things. Not just to get pregnant but for help with patience and realizing that a child will not come to us in our time but in the lords.  We remembered the triad and that it takes three to have a successful marriage. From that moment we tried to remember that in every decision we had to make it shouldn't just be between Kurt and myself but we should always include our savior as well.  We prayed about even the smallest of decisions. 
After a year and a half of invasive treatments and zero success our doctor called us in for a "meeting". He sat Kurt and I down and to make along story short basically told me that we had less than a 3% chance of ever being able to conceive and that we needed to explore other options such as adoption or surrogacy. Needless to say we were devastated. I cried I think for days. I thought my life was over. I never wanted anything more in life than to become a mother. I used to ask for a baby for Christmas when I was little girl. I always knew that was my calling in life. 

In sacrament a few weeks later I thought about how we promise to remember the Savior always.  How to look at his example he set and all of the teaching we have been given to help guide our every decision. I thought about that When we face trials, if we look to Him for comfort and strength that Heavenly Father has promised that his spirit will always be with us. So... we decided to go to the temple to seek answers, to get strength, and to feel the peace of the spirit. We went in with a pure openness of heart, knowing whatever the outcome we would be ok. We came out of the temple that evening with with 100% surety that adoption would be the ONLY way for us to grow our family. 

We almost immediately contacted LDS Family Services and took all the classes and filled out all the paperwork as quickly as we could. We were up on their website for birth mothers to view November 16th 2011.  We were incredible lucky and were contacted and chosen by a birth mom just 3 moths later.  She was pregnant with a little boy due and  was scheduled  to deliver him July 31st. We went thought the whole process with her. We were asked to go to all  of her appointments and when it came time for her c-section Kurt and I were both in the delivery room. I was the first one to hold him. We stayed those first two days  with her and the baby in the hospital. We left the hospital the second night and were to sign papers the next morning. We received a call from our caseworker that night letting us know she had changed her mind and that she was going to parent. So another devastation. We took some time to grieve, and to just be with each other. Or caseworker asked when we would like to get put back on the website and we said immediately. We didn't want to lose any chance at finding our child.  We were incredibly blessed and two months later we were chosen again. The same thing with this one.. We had 5 months to prepare. It was a boy again. When he was born there were some legal issues to work out still with the birth father so we only signed temporary custody papers and we brought him home. 24 hours later we received a call that the birth mom changed her mind and they came to pick him up. Devastating. At this point I was ready to give up. 
After hours of prayer We knew our child was out there. We decided that when its meant to happen it will happen.  This one happened march 1st this year.  We got back on the website again almost immediately.  
Throughout this we tried to remember the savior in our thoughts everyday, knowing in doing so the spirit would be there to comfort us. 
Elder D. Todd Christofferson in a talk said...
Looking unto the Savior “in every thought” is, of course, another way of saying “always remember him.” As we do, we need not doubt or fear. He reminds us that through His Atonement He has been given all power in heaven and earth (see Matthew 28:18) and has both the capacity and the will to protect us and minister to our needs—“Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet.” We need only be faithful and we can rely implicitly on Him and His grace.

We knew that as long as we lived our life the way we should he would protect us and minister to our needs. 

We started to take time for ourselves... to strengthen us. There was a study done in 2011 that couples who make it through infertility are more likely to stay married forever than any other situation. We tried to spend as much time as we could just being together. 
 I applied for and accepted a new job. The hours are opposite of Kurt's. we thought that would be perfect so when we did finally have a child we wouldn't have to place them in daycare. We started to look for a new house and miraculously were able to purchase this one. Everything started to work out. I was happy again!!!! On fathers day we received the call. 
My cousin called and said she knew someone who wants to place her baby for adoption. She asked if she could give her our info and of course we said yes. The next day she called us and said she had chosen us. She was due August 5th. She was admitted to the hospital for some complications just two weeks later and they delivered our son Jax on July 6th. The doctors were estimating he would only be 3.5lbs so they had the NICU team ready to take him. He surprised us all and was 4lbs 8ozs. He wasn't breathing at first but after just a few minutes they got him going and he never had to go to the NICU.  They took us to go see him.  We just knew he was ours. We finally had met our son. The spirit was so strong when we got to see him for the first time. We knew without a doubt that all of the heartache we had gone through all of the trials were to prepare us for our incredible miracle. The savior truly does watch out for us. He is always protecting us. Even in my darkest hour he would find small ways to remind us that he was there and he was just waiting for the perfect child and the perfect time.  We are so incredibly blessed. I consider myself the luckiest woman in the world. I know that without the help of the savior we would still be childless. We will forever be grateful and we now know that he really wants nothing but the best for all of us. We just need to always  remember what he did for us and remember that his spirit will always be with us as longs we always remember him and keep him as a constant part of our lives. 
I love this gospel and I am so lucky to have it in my life!! I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Singing Jax to Sleep

I have found that some of my favorite times with Jax is when he needs to eat in the middle of the night and when it is my turn to get up with him and feed him. It is one of the neatest things to be able to sooth him and put him back to sleep. When he is just staring at me in the eyes as happy as can be just reiterates that he is supposed to be my son. One of my fondest memories as a child is my Dad singing "I am a Child of God" to put me to sleep every night for a long time. When I was spending time with Jax Friday night I thought of this so I decided to try it myself. He absolutely loved it so I plan on singing him to sleep more often. I am the luckiest guy on the planet to be able to have Shaileen and Jax as my family and soon to be eternal family.  

Whatever you do, dont judge my crappy voice at this time of night morning!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Sleepy Jax

Jax has been doing so well. We are so proud of him. He has gotten on a pretty good schedule a lot faster than we would have ever imagined. Jax has been eating anywhere from 2-3 oz. it seems like he eats 2oz all but two random feelings each day. It is fun too because he has been awake a little more lately but still not a lot. He usually wakes up when he is hungry but we still have to wake him up everyone in a while too. He stays awake after feelings anywhere from 15 minutes to  two and a half hours. He is still in premie clothes and probably will be for a while longer because he is so short. 
These past two weeks have been so surreal but easily the best times in our life. 

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Weighing Jax Unconventionally

We have to wait a full two weeks until we go back into the doctor for Jax's next check up. We noticed that he is getting a little chub mostly on his cheeks and really wanted to know how much he weighed. So as any thoughtful parent would do we decided to put him on our meat scale. The video that I posted didn't show him getting his final weight because he was moving around so much. We did finally get him to sit still though it and weighed him at 4lb 14 oz we are guessing minus the diaper with pee in it.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

This is what open adoption looks like

This past Saturday we got together with Jax's birth family up at the Olympic Oval. We sat on the grass for about 2 hours and talked, bonded and just had a great time. This is what open adoption looks like. We want Jax to know where he came from. The special bond between birth families is incredible. This post is mostly for them but anyone can enjoy. 

P.S. I finally brought out my SLR camera and you can tell :)

Family meeting Jax for the first time

One of the best things about bringing Jax home was to let him meet our family. Jax, your family loves you so much. They look forward to seeing you grow up. Not much more I can say here, enjoy the photos.