We Are Going To Be Parents

I first off have to say thank you to everyone for all of their continued support. We have felt your love and prayers. You have no idea what it means to us and we would have never been able to be where we are today without you guys.

The evening of Fathers Day (6/16/16) Shaileen received a text saying someone is looking to place their baby boy  for adoption and wanted to know if we were still looking to adopt. We replied saying of course we were. We provided this person our blog address and personal information so they could give it to this expecting mother to look at us. She said that she would pass our information along and about an hour later we received another text saying that if we are up for it she will choose us. Holy Moly, that was quick and we didn't know what to think but were extremely excited. We were told that this expecting mother would contact us probably the next day. As you can expect we were excited all day to hear from her and later that evening on Monday June 17, 2013 we got the call from Sarrina. Shaileen was the one that spoke with her. It was a good conversation and she reaffirmed her decision to place with us. Shaileen said after the call that she kept referring to the baby as our baby. We decided that we would get together the upcoming weekend so we could get to know each other better. Sunday June 23, 2013 we picked up Sarrina at her friends house and drove to Baskin Robins. We spent around 1 1/2 - 2 hours getting to know each other and talking to each other. We talked about everything from what her other children are like to openness and even names. It is crazy to think that our crazy adventure is going to be coming to a new step here pretty soon in the next month when he is born so we can start a new adventure. He is due on Friday Aug 5, 2013 but she was telling us that all of her other children have been at least 2 weeks early. So, we are expecting probably closer to 4 weeks instead of 6 weeks until he is here. We learned that Sarrina has 8 children, the last 2 she placed with another family for adoption it sounded like several years ago. Shaileen and I believe we have a name picked out but are not positive yet so we are going to wait until we are positive that it is what we want to choose. Sarrina said that she is completely open for us to choose the name and does not care at all what we choose.

I am sure there will be more posts coming here soon, but again we just want to say thank you. Also, remember that there are tons of couples out there that are hoping to adopt that need your help to build their family. Each of our situations that were brought to us were because family and friends were thoughtful enough to open their mouths and not be shy to talk about us. We would like to ask that you continue to search and pray for hopeful adoptive couples as well as expecting parents. If you ever run across a situation let us know and we would be more than happy to pass it along to one of several couples that we know that are looking. Anyways, thanks again.


WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS!!!!

What you should and shouldnt say about Adoption

November is National Adoption month so I wanted to put together a couple posts this month that have to do with adoption. I first want to say that we absolutely love adoption and what it has brought into our lives so far even though we have not adopted yet. Well my topic that I am posting on today is proper adoption verbage. I truly believe when anyone talks about adoption they do not mean to be mean or hurt others feelings. However, there is some adoption verbage that can do harm. I want to make people around us aware of these things so when we adopt or others adopt they are aware.

~ Placed vs Given up ~
This is a big one in our books. The correct verbage is placed for adoption rather than given up. When someone uses the verbage "given up" it insinuates that the child was not wanted. In all reality birth parents have tons of love for their child. When you use the words gave up it can also make the child feel like they were not wanted which is the furthest from the truth. There will always be a special bond between the child and birth parents.

~Matched vs Chosen~
When someone says that the adoptive parents were matched with the birth parents. It makes it sound like the adoptive parents didn't have a choice and whatever they were presented with was the only choice they had. We firmly believe that we are not only looking for a child but we are looking for our child. When we are chosen we ask for a spiritual confirmation that we are supposed to parent the child. Also, birth parents have the same responsibility in choosing someone that they feel comfortable with. They need that confirmation as well as they will be going through the toughest thing ever in placing.

~Real Mom/Dad~
When it comes to what to call the 1st parents it can become a little tricky. Everybody in the adoption triad may like to be referred to different than someone else. The thing to keep in mind is how would you feel if you were called what you are calling them. As well as how would the child feel. Some of the names the first parents like to be called is birth mom/dad, first parents, biological parents, natural parents, etc. Some people would like to be called one name rather than others. It may be smart to ask them what they prefer. This can also confuse a child because the childs "adoptive parents" are the ones taking care of them on a daily basis but they will also know about and coorespond with their birthparents in an open adoption.

~Once you adopt you will have one of your "own"~
This phrase can become really frustrating as an adoptive parent for several reasons, I will name a few. The first and foremost is as an adoptive parent we consider and child we have as our own, just as if we had given birth to them. They are just as good and we love them the exact same. Also, most couples that are adopting have fertility issues. We have gone to doctors, fertility specialists, had surgerys and more to try to fix the problem. Couples will always have issues relating to infertility even after they adopt. It does not resolve that issue. Yes, there are people that have miracles but it is certainly not common as people think.

I write these things not to put down but to educate. Like I always say we appreciate everyone that has helped us through our adoption process, kept us in their prayers, in their thoughts and talked to others about us and spread the word. Thank you!

WE HAVE BEEN CHOSEN!

This past week has been one of the most amazing weeks of our lives. As you may have heard we were chosen by one amazing lady to be parents. We were initially not looking forward to this weekend with it being Mothers Day and having a failed placement recently. It was such a special experience to spend Mothers Day with Shaileen and to be able to tell our family that they were going to have another/first BOY come into the family. I decided after we had contact with her that I wanted to write down my feelings and how the story really went. So here it goes. (I have changed her name to "J" just for her privacy)

"About 1 week ago we decided to put Shaileen's wedding dress up for sale on KSL.Com classifieds. It was not doing us any good sitting in a closet in our basement collecting dust. We didn't think we would get a call anytime soon because we listed it really high because we were not in a hurry. On Cinco de Mayo in 2012 we were getting all dressed up in our fancy clothes to go to one of my good friends sealing/marriage in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple and my phone started ringing and it was a phone number that I was not familiar with. I answered and a female on the other end asked if this was Kurt. I said it was and then she asked how to pronounce Shaileen's name. I was sure she was going to ask for Shaileen to ask her about specifics about the wedding dress. The next thing that came out of her mouth really surprised me. She said,"I am 6 months pregnant with a little boy." I thought to myself for a moment what the heck that had to do with a wedding dress. She then went on to tell us that someone that she knew gave her our pass-a-long card. She has been looking at our profile and really likes us and wants to possibly meet us in the near future. We then talked for about 15-20 minutes about some specifics about adoption. It is incredible how much her mind was made up that she was going to place her boy for adoption because she knows that is what is going to best for him. We are so excited to meet her and talk to her again hopefully in the near future. After the call we rushed to the temple to make it to the sealing of my friend. It was a little more special than usual sitting in the temple because I was not only contemplating our friends ceremony but I was thinking of the joy we are going to have as a family when it comes time to be sealed to our child for all eternity. The rest of the day we were sitting on cloud 9 thinking, hoping, praying, and thanking our Heavenly Father for answering our many many prayers that we gave and other close family and friends as well. "

On Saturday afternoon we met with J. We were sooooo nervous/excited to meet her. We hit it off real fast and ended up talking for over 3 hours while we enjoyed some great food at Red Robin. We have such a respect for J and cant wait for our relationship to grow even more.

Today we are getting off work 2 hours early to go to the hospital with J. It is her 28 week checkup. We are so excited to hear his heartbeat and be there to experience that. I don't believe many adoptive parents get that opportunity and when she asked us if we would like to go with her we were first shocked, but then very excited and thankful.

As you know we will certainly keep you updated on the process of this adoption. We thank you all very much for your continued support. You have no idea what that means to us to know that people really care. 

Shaileen & Kurt