Adoption Placement (signing papers)

 Today (Tuesday 7/9/13) is placement day. That means Momma Sarrina signed her relinquishment papers to give us guardianship over Jax. It was such a bitter sweet day because it was the happiest day of our life but such a hard day for Sarrina and her family as well. 

We got Sarrina a little gift. The main thing was this blanket that my mother crocheted for her. We have one as well which will make it even a little more special for Jax and her. Also, we got her an empty photo album for when we send her photos. While she was in the hospital she kept saying how much she wanted candy so we got her a huge bag of candy that was just for her, she said that she wasn't even going to share with her other children.

Some of Jax's biological siblings came as well. Here Tajia is 8 and Austin is 14. I think it is so cool that we can show Jax these photos as he grows up.

This is one of the most meaningful photos ever. This is after Sarrina signed the placement papers and was handing Jax over to Shaileen to leave the hospital. Like I said earlier it is such a bitter sweet day. I will just let the photo do the talking because it tells a thousand words.

This is the outfit that we chose to bring Jax home in. Its a little monkey outfit and even has a monkey face on his butt. 

Since Jax was so small and premie he had to pass a car seat test where he had to sit in it for 45 minutes to ensure his oxygen did not go down. Of course he passed with flying colors. It is so weird getting him in the car seat because he is so slow. 

This is our first official family photo as we were leaving the hospital. Such an amazing feeling. This photo is now framed and on our wall. 

Shaileen of course sat in the back seat with her new love :) . This is the happiest day of our lives. 

The last time as only husband and wife

Shaileen and I showed up to the University of Utah hospital around 6:30 pm and were extremely excited because we were going to be meeting Jax very soon. It was weird to think about how these were our last minutes as just husband and wife with no children. When we would see each other next we would be a Mom and a Dad. We were both sitting down stairs in the waiting room waiting for Sarrina to call us upstairs and all of a sudden Shaileen got a text from Sarrina asking if Shaileen would be willing to be in the C-Section with her and hold her hand. Immediatly Shaileen replied to her saying that she would feel honored. We walked up stairs as fast as we could. The doctors were just giving Sarrina the epidural so they had Shaileen get the scrubs on and then I went off to the waiting room. Before we left each other we kissed and said next time we see each other we are going to be a Mom and a Dad.

 Doesnt Shaileen just look sexy!

 

Adoption Panel April 19, 2013

This past Friday we had the wonderful opportunity to attend an adoption panel that was put on by Families Supporting Adoption. We look forward to these get togethers so much because there are other people there that are in the same shoes as us as hopeful adoptive parents. The thing I like the most about these monthly get togethers though is I want to learn as much as I possibly can about being the best parent I possibly can. I know that I will never be fully prepared when we are chosen but why not be prepared with the most knowledge as we can. At this panel there was a wide variety of panel members that were from 2 families. There were adoptive parents, adoptive grandparents, birth mothers, and adopted adults. These families this past weekend reinstated my testimony of adoption in my heart.and how it is such a great thing. The love that each of these families had for each other was incredible on both the adoptive family side and the birth parent side. This panel brought back some great memories of the adoption classes that we were required to take over a 2 day period during our approval process. Before these classes we were not sure what we thought about the idea of open adoption and were sort of against it too. However, after going to listen to the panels of people it changed our heart completely on the thoughts of open adoption. The love we gained for expecting/birth parents grew indefinitely. If you ever have the opportunity of going to one of these panels I would definately recommend it. They are open to anyone to go. The idea that lots of people have with adoption is not accurate, just like LDS Family Service's motto says and it is so true is that. Adoption- Its about Love. How true is that? Expecting parents place their children out of love and hopeful adoptive parents are trying to grow their families out of love as well. I love adoption and am so thankful for it, without it we would never have the opportunity to grow our family.

What you should and shouldnt say about Adoption

November is National Adoption month so I wanted to put together a couple posts this month that have to do with adoption. I first want to say that we absolutely love adoption and what it has brought into our lives so far even though we have not adopted yet. Well my topic that I am posting on today is proper adoption verbage. I truly believe when anyone talks about adoption they do not mean to be mean or hurt others feelings. However, there is some adoption verbage that can do harm. I want to make people around us aware of these things so when we adopt or others adopt they are aware.

~ Placed vs Given up ~
This is a big one in our books. The correct verbage is placed for adoption rather than given up. When someone uses the verbage "given up" it insinuates that the child was not wanted. In all reality birth parents have tons of love for their child. When you use the words gave up it can also make the child feel like they were not wanted which is the furthest from the truth. There will always be a special bond between the child and birth parents.

~Matched vs Chosen~
When someone says that the adoptive parents were matched with the birth parents. It makes it sound like the adoptive parents didn't have a choice and whatever they were presented with was the only choice they had. We firmly believe that we are not only looking for a child but we are looking for our child. When we are chosen we ask for a spiritual confirmation that we are supposed to parent the child. Also, birth parents have the same responsibility in choosing someone that they feel comfortable with. They need that confirmation as well as they will be going through the toughest thing ever in placing.

~Real Mom/Dad~
When it comes to what to call the 1st parents it can become a little tricky. Everybody in the adoption triad may like to be referred to different than someone else. The thing to keep in mind is how would you feel if you were called what you are calling them. As well as how would the child feel. Some of the names the first parents like to be called is birth mom/dad, first parents, biological parents, natural parents, etc. Some people would like to be called one name rather than others. It may be smart to ask them what they prefer. This can also confuse a child because the childs "adoptive parents" are the ones taking care of them on a daily basis but they will also know about and coorespond with their birthparents in an open adoption.

~Once you adopt you will have one of your "own"~
This phrase can become really frustrating as an adoptive parent for several reasons, I will name a few. The first and foremost is as an adoptive parent we consider and child we have as our own, just as if we had given birth to them. They are just as good and we love them the exact same. Also, most couples that are adopting have fertility issues. We have gone to doctors, fertility specialists, had surgerys and more to try to fix the problem. Couples will always have issues relating to infertility even after they adopt. It does not resolve that issue. Yes, there are people that have miracles but it is certainly not common as people think.

I write these things not to put down but to educate. Like I always say we appreciate everyone that has helped us through our adoption process, kept us in their prayers, in their thoughts and talked to others about us and spread the word. Thank you!

40 more days!

HOLY COW! Time is going by so quick it seems like just yesterday we got a call from J telling us that she wanted us to be her childs adoptive parents. It is probably because we have been so gosh darn busy lately but we will not complain because we cannot wait to meet Sawyer. Shaileen and I talk all of the time about how we dont understand how people can go through a whole 9 monthish pregnancy. We are dying already and it has only been about 1 1/2 months with barely over 1 month to go. The bonding experience being pregnant probably helps when you are pregnant, however we would be going crazy! As soon as we found out we started completing his room and it is all of the way done except for the bedding. We keep racking our brains trying to figure out what we still need to do because it seems like there is something for sure but we cannot think of much. It will be nice when her baby showers are here because then we can desipher what things to still get and what not to get. I am writing this post mostly because I am so excited to see Sawyer. I would also be very ungreatful if I didnt say anything about "J". We are so greatful to know her and already love her very much. It seems like we have known her for a very long time. She is such an incredibly strong woman. Through the many BBQ's we have had already I know that we are going to be linked throughout this life in a very special way. We look forward to the special bond we will continually have. It's kinda weird how Shaileen's and my thoughts were before this adoption process. Our thoughts on openness were full of scared/uneasy thoughts on whoever the birth mother was going to be. They would be co-parenting we thought for sure. However, after going through the adoption classes that we were required to take we had a change of mind completely 180 degrees on openness. There were several panels of people that we were able to ask questions to and have them answered by people on both sides of the line. There were adoptive couples, adoptive couples specifically with special needs placements, adopted children, and the one that hit us the most was the birth mother/father panel. I could easily say that there was not a person in that room that did not have dry eyes. We found out how important it is to us to have a continued relationship with our childs birth parents. Not only for them because they should never be forgotten but because it is healthy for our child. There are a lot of people that do not understand how we can keep that relationship because they are not in our or "J's" shoes. All that matters is that we are confortable with it and having a good healthy relationship.

WE HAVE BEEN CHOSEN!

This past week has been one of the most amazing weeks of our lives. As you may have heard we were chosen by one amazing lady to be parents. We were initially not looking forward to this weekend with it being Mothers Day and having a failed placement recently. It was such a special experience to spend Mothers Day with Shaileen and to be able to tell our family that they were going to have another/first BOY come into the family. I decided after we had contact with her that I wanted to write down my feelings and how the story really went. So here it goes. (I have changed her name to "J" just for her privacy)

"About 1 week ago we decided to put Shaileen's wedding dress up for sale on KSL.Com classifieds. It was not doing us any good sitting in a closet in our basement collecting dust. We didn't think we would get a call anytime soon because we listed it really high because we were not in a hurry. On Cinco de Mayo in 2012 we were getting all dressed up in our fancy clothes to go to one of my good friends sealing/marriage in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple and my phone started ringing and it was a phone number that I was not familiar with. I answered and a female on the other end asked if this was Kurt. I said it was and then she asked how to pronounce Shaileen's name. I was sure she was going to ask for Shaileen to ask her about specifics about the wedding dress. The next thing that came out of her mouth really surprised me. She said,"I am 6 months pregnant with a little boy." I thought to myself for a moment what the heck that had to do with a wedding dress. She then went on to tell us that someone that she knew gave her our pass-a-long card. She has been looking at our profile and really likes us and wants to possibly meet us in the near future. We then talked for about 15-20 minutes about some specifics about adoption. It is incredible how much her mind was made up that she was going to place her boy for adoption because she knows that is what is going to best for him. We are so excited to meet her and talk to her again hopefully in the near future. After the call we rushed to the temple to make it to the sealing of my friend. It was a little more special than usual sitting in the temple because I was not only contemplating our friends ceremony but I was thinking of the joy we are going to have as a family when it comes time to be sealed to our child for all eternity. The rest of the day we were sitting on cloud 9 thinking, hoping, praying, and thanking our Heavenly Father for answering our many many prayers that we gave and other close family and friends as well. "

On Saturday afternoon we met with J. We were sooooo nervous/excited to meet her. We hit it off real fast and ended up talking for over 3 hours while we enjoyed some great food at Red Robin. We have such a respect for J and cant wait for our relationship to grow even more.

Today we are getting off work 2 hours early to go to the hospital with J. It is her 28 week checkup. We are so excited to hear his heartbeat and be there to experience that. I don't believe many adoptive parents get that opportunity and when she asked us if we would like to go with her we were first shocked, but then very excited and thankful.

As you know we will certainly keep you updated on the process of this adoption. We thank you all very much for your continued support. You have no idea what that means to us to know that people really care. 

Shaileen & Kurt