Weekend Adventure

This past Thanksgiving weekend we had a lot of fun. We spent a lot of time with Tristen and Nelson and played a bunch of board games and went to dinner.

 

Thoughts at temple tonight

Some friends invited us to the temple tonight. We had not been for about 3 months so of course we said yes. We were both really looking forward to going because we were both looking for answers to a few things but also wanted to thank our Heavenly Father for the many blessings we have in our lives. There is one thing I learned today that I need to share. As a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we are given a commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. With us going through infertility issues sometimes it is hard to hear this. The thing that went off like a lightbulb in my brain today is there are tons of ways we can fulfill this commandment other than having children. The word replenish means to fill, to fill with what is what is interesting to me. The one thing we have tried to fill the world with I love. Love for our family. Love for our friends. Love for our primary kids. There can never be enough love. To show someone you love them can give someone hope. When we were going though our failed adoption placement love is what held us together. Another thing we try to do is serve others. Service is a lot about love but we do that also. I don't think I need to explain how service is important as well as helpful. We also try to throw out the knowledge we have obtained in our experiences especially with adoption mostly through talking with others but also through our blog. As we go through our adoption process we constantly lean on others that we know personally and others we don't know through blogging, Facebook, Instagram and other places. We hope that our experiences can maybe help someone one day that goes through similar issues, problems, and even our successes. Isn't it cool how going to the temple can put things in our minds that we need to know to build our testimonies to be the best people we can be.

Children in Primary

This past Sunday was our primary program in our ward. We are primary teachers for the 7-8 year olds and love our calling. Usually primary programs don't hit me much but this past Sunday something in the program was meant especially for me. I was thinking while singing the songs how lucky we are to have children in our lives. How they teach us that things really are simple and if we do the simple things first such as being kind, going to church, praying, loving one another as well as many other things we will be much happier in our lives. I know this because the kids in our primary class show me that it works. Each child in our program put in effort to memorizing their parts so they could look out at everyone in the chapel while they were telling them what they know about Choosing the Right. How cool is it that young children are willing to do something that initially seems so difficult for them. I can definately take what they have taught me and apply it in my life. When someone asks me to do something I dont need to think about how difficult it can and will be. I need to know with out a doubt in my mind that I can do it. With that faith I can and will succeed. There were several kids that offered to do vocal solos as well. How incredible is it that they are willing to stand in front of a lot of people and sing their little hearts out. I cannot wait to have a little child come into our lives to love and not only for me to teach them but more for them to teach me to become the best person I can be. Also, during the program I caught a glance at Shaileen watching her with the children is incredible to me and gives me assurance that she is going to be the best mother ever one day. You can see it in her eyes and actions that she is such a caring and loving person. These little moments that come from being in primary is why I love it so much. It seems that I learn so much more when I am in there because the simple truths can get to me easier and I obtain them better. We had a little meeting with the bishop on Sunday to discuss our adoption process and how things are going and he asked how the primary is. We told him that we absolutely love it and he better never take us out. :)

Last BYU home game of the season!

Last night was the last BYU home football game of the season. It was freezing and one late game. Because of how late and how cold it was the university didn't even wipe the benches off half of the stadium. And the ones they did there was snow in the isles so people were slipping everywhere! You can see a photo below of what I mean! Good thing is it was an absolute blow out! Will will for sure get season tickets next year to cheer in our team! GO COUGARS

Our story and views on open adoption

We knew from early in our marriage that adoption was most likely going to be the way that we were going to build our family. We have family that has adopted their children. They have an open adoption with their birth families that is healthy. To begin with we used to look at open adoption as a weird thing and not sure if we could do it ourselves. This all changed one day when we had our adoption classes to get fully approved to adopt. We were anxious to go to these classes to learn and meet people in the adoption community. We did both of those things but more than that we had our eyes opened wide to the adoption process, especially about open adoption. Our favorite parts were the panels of people that would come talk to us. There was a birth parent, adoptee, adoptive parent and also a special needs adoptive parent panel. We did not expect it but we walked out of those classes in tears because of how much we learned but I think it was the spirit that touched us as well. We learned of how much love parents have on both sides of the adoption for their child. There is a huge misconception that birth familes place their children for adoption and never think or want to do anything with them again. This is further from the truth from the panels we had listened to. Shaileen and I certainly have love for the birth families as well. We have talked and we consider when we adopt that they are equally a part of our families as our immediate family. We believe it is healthy for a child to know where they came from as well. In our family they will know of their birth family and know that they love them. I could write all day long on open adoption but I will cut it short today because I should probably work. Like always, I want and need to thank everyone for their continued support through everything we have gone through in our lives.

 

What you should and shouldnt say about Adoption

November is National Adoption month so I wanted to put together a couple posts this month that have to do with adoption. I first want to say that we absolutely love adoption and what it has brought into our lives so far even though we have not adopted yet. Well my topic that I am posting on today is proper adoption verbage. I truly believe when anyone talks about adoption they do not mean to be mean or hurt others feelings. However, there is some adoption verbage that can do harm. I want to make people around us aware of these things so when we adopt or others adopt they are aware.

~ Placed vs Given up ~
This is a big one in our books. The correct verbage is placed for adoption rather than given up. When someone uses the verbage "given up" it insinuates that the child was not wanted. In all reality birth parents have tons of love for their child. When you use the words gave up it can also make the child feel like they were not wanted which is the furthest from the truth. There will always be a special bond between the child and birth parents.

~Matched vs Chosen~
When someone says that the adoptive parents were matched with the birth parents. It makes it sound like the adoptive parents didn't have a choice and whatever they were presented with was the only choice they had. We firmly believe that we are not only looking for a child but we are looking for our child. When we are chosen we ask for a spiritual confirmation that we are supposed to parent the child. Also, birth parents have the same responsibility in choosing someone that they feel comfortable with. They need that confirmation as well as they will be going through the toughest thing ever in placing.

~Real Mom/Dad~
When it comes to what to call the 1st parents it can become a little tricky. Everybody in the adoption triad may like to be referred to different than someone else. The thing to keep in mind is how would you feel if you were called what you are calling them. As well as how would the child feel. Some of the names the first parents like to be called is birth mom/dad, first parents, biological parents, natural parents, etc. Some people would like to be called one name rather than others. It may be smart to ask them what they prefer. This can also confuse a child because the childs "adoptive parents" are the ones taking care of them on a daily basis but they will also know about and coorespond with their birthparents in an open adoption.

~Once you adopt you will have one of your "own"~
This phrase can become really frustrating as an adoptive parent for several reasons, I will name a few. The first and foremost is as an adoptive parent we consider and child we have as our own, just as if we had given birth to them. They are just as good and we love them the exact same. Also, most couples that are adopting have fertility issues. We have gone to doctors, fertility specialists, had surgerys and more to try to fix the problem. Couples will always have issues relating to infertility even after they adopt. It does not resolve that issue. Yes, there are people that have miracles but it is certainly not common as people think.

I write these things not to put down but to educate. Like I always say we appreciate everyone that has helped us through our adoption process, kept us in their prayers, in their thoughts and talked to others about us and spread the word. Thank you!

Halloween 2012

For the last several years we have gone out to my brother and sister in-laws house for a Halloween party. They love Halloween and pretty much feed the whole neighborhood. Shaileen also makes cupcakes every year too. This year she made owl and tombstone cupcakes. They turned out great and they were delicious. Happy Halloween everybody